How Loving Body Positivity Led Me to a Successful Life
The below article was written by Miss Emmy Va-Va-Voom and published in the Rocket Magazine Spring 2019 issue. This was also Miss Emmy's one year anniversary article with Rocket!
Well, last year’s issue of “Pinups & Pets” was my very first issue writing for this magazine. Since then, my column has been in every single issue and I am so grateful of all the readers that have been following along. Thank you to the readers, and most importantly- The Team. I wish I was able to meet up with you dolls, I am the only Canadian- I hope we can all meet in the future! I decided to make this issue a special edition this month- something to celebrate my year with the magazine.
My journey to health & accepting myself
When I was 25, I was at the heaviest weight of my life. I was 400+lbs that was a result of an eating disorder. Due to my depression and my anxiety, as well as insomnia, I ate to try to replace the brokenness and darkness that had filled me inside. I would eat to a point where I was so full that I would throw up, and then continue to eat because I had “made room”. It was so difficult for me that I did not know I had an eating disorder- food was just comfort to me, and I did not know how to give it up.
The following year, I was gifted a trip to cuba. At that point, I was well aware that I was overweight and needed to lose weight for the plane seats. After a physical, I was determined to be borderline diabetic. I was just over 400lbs, and I knew that I had to make a change for my health. I reached out to my cousin and her boyfriend at the time- they were personal trainers as well as military officers. They put me through 3 months of “Bootcamp” style training, and I cant even count the amount of times I have thrown up or cried after or even during a workout. They pushed me and supported me, motivated me to be the best I could be. The first 3 months I lost 60lbs. I changed the way I ate- I made healthier choices by cutting out fried foods. I did not limit myself to not having any kind of sweets. I loved chocolate too much so I just could not give it up lol, but I did limit the amount of times I had it a month. I realized I had an eating disorder when stress hit me. I began eating again, and it started to become uncontrollable. I decided to seek help at a support group for Eating Disorders. I knew that if I was going to continue my journey to a healthier life and mind- that I had to seek professional help. I had to gain insight from others who were suffering just like me. That support group, changed my life.
After 2 years, I lost over 200lbs from avidly working out and eating healthier. I gained my confidence back, because I was happy with the progress that had blossomed from hard work. Although I had a lot of loose skin from such a massive and fast weight loss (140lbs of it being the first year), I was still confident with my shape and “battle scars” of the journey. I was always a model, ever since I was 18. I am 30 years old now, and back then plus size modelling was not as big as it is now. I hadn’t modelling for a few years by this point, as I was so big at the time that my confidence had put me out of work. The last shoot I did, I was so unhappy with the results as you could see the confidence I lacked. After I had lost the 200lbs, I decided to get back into modelling. I wanted to build my portfolio back up, and since I was so in-love with the Pinup Lifestyle I had decided to go a different route- Pinup Modelling. Never did I think it would take me so far.
My Love & Success for the Pinup Life- Led to my Makeup Career
Getting far in my modelling career is not something I had ever expected. I have been my own agent for as long as I can remember- ever since I was 18 years old. I have gone through different styles of dressing, trying to find myself along the way. I actually thought that I would never get noticed the way I wanted to, but the confidence just wasn’t there and it showed in my images. Once I lost weight, gained confidence back, and accepted myself for who I was- I began to truly love myself and things started to really flow for me. I became an advocate for body positivity and talked avidly about my mental health. One day I was presented with an opportunity to pose nude, in an artistic setting with a silk red sheet. For the first time I was nude, and vulnerable. I allowed someone else to pose my body, tell me how to move and what expressions to project out into the images. Those images, landed me with my very first publication in a small magazine. That 1st one, led to another one a month later. I took the plunge into boudoir modelling head-first, and I have loved every minute of it. I have been published 6 times now in the UK, multiple times in the states and now im a successful writer for this Darling magazine!
PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF!
I need you all to understand, the journey to loving yourself is never over- or easy. We all have hurdles that we have to get over, and some are bigger than others- and that can include fully loving and accepting our bodies. We still live in a society that demands thinness, pushes diet pills and horrible diets that was “clinically proven to work”. I have lots of loose skin and especially stretch marks, pretty much everywhere. It took me a long time to love myself and understand that no one else will every truly be able to love the real me, until I loved myself. I met the man of my dreams, after I finally started loving myself. Do not get me wrong, it has taken me a while to get there and I can be the one to admit that I am not 100% there yet. I have my days when I look in the mirror and I see the old person. Some days my mental health gets the best of me and I think I am the most disgusting person. But then I look at how far I have come and I shake my head, give myself a motivational speech in the mirror, and keep going. If you ever suffer from mental health, please talk to someone. A family member, a friend, a support group.. Everyone needs someone to talk to, please do not hold anything back because you are afraid that you are the only one. You are not- I will be the one to put myself out there and say- If you ever need to talk, I am here for you. Send me a private message and vent to me. I know what it’s like to not have anyone else to turn to so please, reach out to me!!
With All My Love,
Miss Emmy Va-Va-Voom
Featured photography by Twelve Pence Photography
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